Serving a Domme like myself isn’t for everyone. In fact, I would say it isn’t for most submissives. I am the style of Domme that a lot of submissives fantasize about but in reality, it takes a very strong person to submit to someone like me.

That is why it’s so important for me to have an extensive vetting process. Coupled with the fact that I am also not looking for a romantic partner, so I wouldn’t be ‘dating’ those that submit to me, as a way to get to know them, this is a way for me to try and weed out those that are kinky but not truly submissive, those that cannot handle my style, and those that think, very mistakenly, that they are going to be able to manipulate me or top me from the bottom.

Like I had mentioned in a previous writing, the ‘local scene’ also isn’t really my thing. I went to a munch once which lead to a gathering at a Domme’s house immediately after that I was invited to, but I just didn’t feel these were my people. Actually, there was a boy I had started to vet a few weeks before this experience and as I was talking to these people and explaining my style to them, they said they had someone I would likely be a good fit for as he was having a hard time finding someone sadistic enough…they call him and he comes over and it’s the guy I blocked a couple weeks before. It did seem like he was quite a masochistic but he also was a bit aggressive about it and that isn’t what I like. In fact, I definitely value submission over masochism for a couple of reasons.

First being that the mental aspects of submission is what the main draw for me. Secondly, like most sadists, it’s the reaction of the slave, not the act itself, that is the biggest turn on. Thirdly, if you have someone that has truly given themselves over to you, you can slowly build up tolerance to whichever play form you are seeking. And last, but certainly not least, if I just have a pain slut that is enjoying what I am doing to them (which on its own is great), but doesn’t have the will and desire to be the kind of slave I want, that just turns into a power struggle and I have zero interest in that.

So once someone contacts me wanting to discuss a possibility of serving me, I have a very particular and methodical vetting process. First, of course, I will have a little vanilla chit chat, just to make sure the person isn’t a complete idiot. If they are contacting me here, before I even answer them, I know they at least were motivated enough to make an impression and read through my profile, making sure to follow the direction given in it.

After some basic small talk, I will start the questioning session.
The first few questions are usually the same:
What made you decide to message me?
Do you have any real time experience with a TPE?
If it’s a male, I will ask if the fact that I am a dyke makes them feel any certain way.
If it’s a female, I will ask if she messes with males and if so, if she is currently engaged with a male in a sexual manner.

Most of these questions have no right or wrong answers. It’s just a way to figure out how to proceed. If it’s a submissive with no real experience, they may be biting off more than they can chew with me. While I can deal with newbies and do have the patience for working with them slowly over time, I want to make sure they have a firm grasp on what I expect and if that is what they think they can handle or want.

Occasionally with the males when I ask if me being gay has any bearing on them reaching out to me, I will actually have one say something like ‘I think it would be really hot to have sex with a lesbian’. DING DING DING DING DING, vetting complete on that guy…
I will say though, that most males that reach out to me are not like this. Most are more so of the mindset that it’s exciting to potentially serve someone that is unattainable for sex. Or they like feeling inferior to a dyke.

Females that mess with males, I want to make it clear that won’t happen while they are under my control. I want to make sure they are clear that this is non negotiable and they can commit to that.

After this, I start digging into history. How many Dommes they have served, for how long, what type of style those Dommes were, what experiences they had, what they were trained in, what type of rules they had, what restrictions they had, how things that happened affected them mentally and why that dynamic ended.

Next I will go into questions about fetishes, what are their favourite, what do they fantasize about that they have never had an opportunity to try, what do they feel their limits are, what types of play they enjoyed and didn’t enjoy, if they are masochist, how well they handle impact play, pain, humiliation etc.

I make sure they understand I am looking for a TPE and what that means, if they are aware that means their limits will be pushed, what I expect from them, what an in person session with me might look like, other uses I may have for them. Things they will have to be able to live with, such as pretty intense chastity.

This questioning takes a long time. Usually a couple of hours, almost nightly, for a couple weeks. Ironically, this time commitment is much more than would actually be required of them once we move into a dynamic, however it weeds out the ones that will think it’s easy, it proves their level of commitment and quite frankly, it’s just hard to do this effectively if there are too many breaks. Furthermore I would assume if they are excited about the idea of serving me, I would be of high priority to make the time for that.

Over this time I will revisit topics we already covered, ask more specifics, ask for clarification on things that after I thought about it realized wasn’t as clear as I would like. The only real responsibility of the potential is to answer all my questions, and to be honest and open. If I catch something isn’t right there, I will lose interest. I try and make them comfortable to open up to tell me things they are interested in without being nervous or embarrassed. I have been around a long time, not much can shock me. If it’s something I am not interested in, I will simply just say that but I don’t kink shame. Basically, unless they tell me something really over the top, like they fuck their pets, I am not really shakable. Still, almost everyone that has served me confesses to more desires way down the line, that they were scared to admit at the beginning, but I understand that and am patient with it.

My mind and way of thinking often very much mirrors a male. My sex drive matches. I even occasionally orgasm in my sleep, which I don’t think many bio females do. I am blunt, I am not shy at all to ask what I want. Some of the questions are quite personal and my style can be jolting to some. I am aware of this, but again, if they don’t handle this well, they won’t work out anyway.

I have started the vetting process five times since being back here about six months ago. I haven’t met anyone in person yet. I actually became really close to meeting one boy, had the meeting time/place set up even. But the closer we got to meeting the more obvious it became that he actually wanted a kinky girlfriend and not a Domme like me, regardless of what he said previously. One of the last things that really made me see this wasn’t a fit, was him asking if he could give me a hug and kiss when he met up with me at the cafe. I mean, I am going to go out on a limb here and guess that most of you reading this, having likely read my profile and/or have been following my journal here, can likely answer that correctly.

This is what I meant at the beginning of this entry about being the type of Domme that doesn’t always translate well from fantasy to reality for a lot of submissives.

I am using the term ‘you’ in the next section just for convenience to avoid typing ‘the slave’ over and over.
I am strict and unwavering. I may take your feelings into consideration but I expect you to do as instructed, always, regardless of your own desires. I am a sadist at heart and will make you suffer and not always a way you enjoy. I wouldn’t necessarily say I am cold, because I will encourage you with guidance but I will also push you to the breaking point. I do provide after care but it looks more like you sitting on the floor with your head on my lap while I stroke your head and talk to you. I don’t allow many orgasms in males and do not generally allow them to have traditional sex at all. Not with me, not with someone else. I do attract a lot of males that do not desire to use their cock in that way, but for some it’s a hard adjustment. Especially if they serve me for years. Not only that, but it takes me a while before I am comfortable enough to desire touching too much. This can also be difficult for many.

I had a boy for years, many years ago, and he said he has been searching for a Domme like me for as long as he could remember. However, the reality of it at the beginning was a lot. He said he even talked to his friend about how he didn’t know how long he could hold out, waiting for me to show any kind of affection or touch. He told me when it finally happened, and I touched his cock for the first time, he felt like an electric shock had been sent through his entire body, that his brain just turned to mush. After that, I believe things slowly got more comfortable for him, but it was a really difficult first few months he said.

I am very particular about protocol. No eye contact, ever. That can be a hard one for many. Your place is on the floor, at my feet, not beside me. If we are relaxing, watching a movie or just laying around, you will still remember your place and never talk to me like I am your fucking buddy because I certainly am not. If we are out in public, I will speak for you unless I directly tell you to speak. You will learn to watch your tone of voice at all times, docile and small, this takes a lot of correction for some. Actual punishment for infractions is swift and harsh and doesn’t come with praise, that can be hard to swallow for some. If you want anything other than what I am offering, you better be good at begging and drop any dignity you have lingering. Even then, I may or may not be feeling generous.

As you can see, many submissives find the idea of this very exciting, but the reality of it is much more difficult for many. To completely let go of their ego and all control.

During the question period, the questions are all topics. Anywhere from vanilla questions to deeply personal sexual and/or fetish based questions and a lot about how their mind works. Some submissives find this exciting, some don’t. The most frequent feedback I get is that it feels somewhere between a job interview and an interrogation. That sounds about right to me. I look at it pretty much as an in depth interview.

If the potential tries to control, manipulate or steer the questioning in anyway, I will first give them a reminder that we go at my pace and they are just to answer everything I ask. IF I asked something they are shy or for some reason don’t want to answer, they may say that and we can discuss it but I don’t take kindly to ignoring or otherwise just refusing to answer my questions.

If they try and take control a second time, I have a pretty good idea this won’t work.

I also allow them to ask questions but make it clear that I will answer the questions I want to, which, in all fairness, is most of them. For those that may be too timid or shy to ask questions I always make sure at least once per questioning session that I tell them they may ask questions or say whatever is on their mind at that time.

Once I am ready to meet, I will set up a time and place and give them instructions on how to behave when they meet me. Pretty basic stuff…I expect them to arrive at the time I tell them, I generally like to already be waiting, I remind them to be careful of eye contract. This is the only time I would permit them to order for themselves and deal with the server ‘normally’ since we don’t know each other yet and before I would take them out again, there would be detailed training on how to behave moving forward.

I always bring an errand boy with me, but he would be sitting separately. I learned that 20 years ago after meeting T for the first time…we were meeting in Hamilton, since they lived in Toronto and I am in Niagara…so I went early and had dinner, having T meeting me at 7 or 8. After we were done eating and the time was approaching, I told the server we needed to divide tables. She thought I was kidding…when she came back with our bill I asked her if she found my ‘friend’ another table yet and she was taken back. It was a bit of a last minute rush. To avoid this now, we just sit separately to start. He is there to observe and take any information needed.

This meeting is mostly to feel out the vibes, see if there is any in person chemistry, see if I feel comfortable and relaxed. If this goes very well, I generally will move right into a session on the second meeting. However, it wouldn’t be a ‘full session’ and I start the play out a bit slow. I would never incapacitate someone in the early sessions. And it takes months and months of getting to know how someone’s body works before I would do any kind of risky play. While I do think some nervousness and anticipation anxiety is good for the submissive, I do want them to feel safe. I will engage in impact play as well as swift correction, if needed, but as they are not restrained in any way, they are able to still feel safe.

Alright, time to switch gears since this one doesn’t seem as long…yet.

I learned very early on, with D, that I enjoyed the look of a human pet in a collar and leash. Plus, it’s so handy to be able to grab and pull them in whatever direction I want to, quickly and easily. I am big on efficiency in most things (bondage also). Not only is it good for holding onto during impact play and oral service but it’s very visually appealing, even if it’s just dragging behind them while they crawl along on the floor.

T lived in a studio apartment, which gave us a lot of open space to play. One of the games I used to play with them is to blindfolded them, and then stand in a different area and call for them to ‘heel’ and they would crawl around with the leash dragging behind them, trying to find me. The sound of the leash allowed me to move around a bit while they tried to follow my voice. Sometimes I would play fetch with them…I would throw the ball while I sat reading or watching tv, hardly even paying attention, while I tired them out crawling around chasing the ball. Having T tired out was beneficial going into things like impact play because it increased sensitivity.

Sleep deprivation is another way to really increase sensitivity to any kind of play. With different slaves I have had over the years, I would occasionally keep them up all night doing busy work while I slept…and then once I was up and ready, and they were exhausted, I would do different forms of either heavy pain play that would shock their bodies with adrenaline or incapacitate them and cut off their sight and hearing and then do all kinds of different things to them while they are helpless and ‘floating’ from their minds being so twisted up. They would never know when or what the next sensation would be. A slap? A needle? A bite? The anticipation would keep their adrenaline pumping for a long time. I like to keep going until they are begging for me to stop. This particular kind of play can teach a slave how to beg very well pretty quickly.

Begging is something I am very partial to. The desperation in their voice usually is exciting. The fact that I can completely manipulate them like putty at this point, getting them to ask for things they don’t want, is a mind game I love. Coupled with humiliation, this can be as intense as a caning, but emotionally. I love to hear whimpering and even sometimes crying. That is just as much the sadist in me as enjoying pain play.