I’ve been in super high control Master/slave relationships where I was on a short leash 24/7, tightly held. I enjoyed those relationships in that time of my life and I think they were what I needed.

Conversely, in more recent years, I’ve explored power exchange with little to almost no control. At first, it felt like abandonment and it was difficult for me to see Domination and submission in it. I felt practically single, adrift and without direction.

Later I began to see this more like someone owning a piece of land or wild animal. It was less like owning and training a pet that you could train in any way you wanted, but more like subtly influencing something that is inherently beyond your control and simply enjoying it for what it is.

Where I live, many people enjoy buying cabins further north in the woods. These become places to escape to and enjoy nature. Most people do not try to maintain the landscape there like they might the city. They leave it closer to its natural state because it is that state they enjoy. They don’t expect the experience of being at the cabin to be as comfortable or easy as their home in the city. They appreciate that it’s different and that they have to adjust to it some. Still, they’ll cut down a tree if they have to.

I am finding that at this stage in life, I seem to more often attract people who prefer me wild.

I seem to now attract those content to keep me on a long leash, enjoying my feral nature without needing to give it much direction. They prefer to enjoy their time with me as I am rather than work to change me into something.

At first, this felt like being used, like they were enjoying me without taking responsibility of me.

I felt like a neglected cabin, left to have moss growing on the roof and weeds taking over. I think this was partly due to the stark contrast from the Total Power Exchange relationships I’d been in. I had to look a little closer to see evidence of control and even then it looked more like influence. And it was selective where that influence was used.

A long leash can feel like no leash at all until you reach the end of it.

I used to do tracking with my big dog, Sam, and for that I’d use a long line, like 20 feet of leash. He had the freedom to follow the scent, forging ahead, likely barely noticing me behind him as he got all wrapped up in what he was smelling.

Until he reached the end of that leash.

Only then would his attention be brought back to me and he’d be reminded that he wasn’t free to just follow his own lead indefinitely. There were limits to the freedom I was giving him even though I was letting him force ahead and feel more free than if he was forced to heel. I was still in charge.

In longer leash D/s, I think it can also be easy to forget the leash is there until you hit the end of it.

I think one of the pitfalls to watch out for could be that a submissive might intentionally seek the end of that leash, pushing against the limits given to them just to feel the tug back of the Dominant’s control. This can encourage the very behaviors that the Dominant was looking to avoid. I can see where that might be especially frustrating for the Dominant because they’ve given the submissive so much autonomy and only sought control over this limited area…and the submissive goes straight to testing that.

This is probably a place where either their D/s styles are mismatched OR the submissive needs a healthier way to ask to feel that Dominance.

I think long leash D/s can be an enjoyable, valid style of power exchange, particularly where time is limited and/or the Dominant only has limited areas they want to control.

The key, as with anything else, seems to be communication and being on the same page.