Engaging in online Dominant/submissive (D/s) or Femdom communities can be exciting, emotionally fulfilling, and even life-changing. But with growing interest in these dynamics, there’s also been a rise in scammers targeting well-meaning submissives, especially men, with emotionally manipulative tactics designed to get their money, photos, or personal information.
Below are some of the most common red flags, real-world examples, and actionable tips to help you stay safe and scam-free.


Top Red Flags to Watch For
1. They Claim You Too Quickly
If someone declares “you’re my slave now” within just a few messages, that’s not dominance—that’s manipulation. Genuine D/s relationships are built on trust, negotiation, and mutual understanding, not instant ownership.

2. They Jump Straight Into Sexy Roleplay
Some scammers will start hot and heavy with protocols, tasks, and commands to hook you emotionally. This isn’t a sign of real connection, it’s bait.

3. They Ask for Personal or Explicit Info Early On
If they ask for:
* Sexy photos or videos
* Full name, location, or contact info

They may be setting you up for blackmail or identity theft.

4. They Try to Silence Doubts
A real Dominant welcomes transparency. If your questions are met with:
* “That’s not submissive behavior!”
* “You don’t trust your Domme?”
* “How dare you question me?”

…it’s likely a scam.

5. They Ask You to Move Off-Site Immediately
If you’re told to leave a trusted platform (like FetLife) for Kik, Telegram, or WhatsApp, and delete your profile, they’re trying to isolate you.


Common Financial Scams

Scammers often disguise their requests with emotional appeal or pseudo-BDSM logic. Be especially wary of:

1. Tribute Demands – “All real dommes require tribute—just this once.”

2. ‘Training Kit’ Purchases – They ask you to buy a kit or send money to buy one for an in-person session that will never happen.

3. Fake Contracts or Legal Fees – “$250 for my legal adviser to review your femdom contract.” D/s contracts are not legally binding nor required. They are a kink, like collars. They are something a couple can decide to do… or not. And certainly no one outside the relationship need look at it.

4. Fake BDSM Registries or Councils – These don’t exist. You don’t need to pay to “register” as a sub.

5. Emergency Sob Stories – “I’m stuck abroad, my wallet was stolen. I need $600 for a new passport/hotel bill.”

6. ‘I’ll Pay You Back’ Setups – They ask you to buy something and promise to send money, usually via a reversible payment method like PayPal.



Emotional Manipulation Tactics

When you hesitate, expect shame, guilt, or anger:

Shaming – “If you were a real sub, you wouldn’t question me.”

Guilt-Tripping – “I thought you were different…”

Emotional Blackmail – “You don’t want to lose this chance, do you?”

These are pressure tactics, not legitimate D/s dynamics.



But They Seemed Real…
Some scammers play the long game. They’ll chat for weeks, flirt, build rapport, and then drop a financial request. This delay can make their ask seem more legitimate. It’s not. Real D/s relationships do not require financial transactions to prove sincerity.


Protect Yourself: Reverse Image Search

Photos can be deceiving. Use Google Reverse Image Search or tineye.com to check if the “hot domme” you’re talking to is actually a model, influencer, or someone else entirely.

How to do it:
Go to Google Image Search
Drag the photo into the search box
Check where else it shows up online

If that same photo appears on multiple unrelated sites, it’s likely stolen.

Note: With AI image generators and morphing apps, this isn’t foolproof—but it’s still a helpful step.


Final Advice
DON’T send money to people you don’t know in real life.
Even if:
They’re gorgeous
You’ve been chatting for weeks
They make you feel seen, wanted, special

If they ask for money, stop and reassess. A healthy D/s relationship is based on consent, communication, and respect—not deception, secrecy, or financial pressure.