The first step into the fabulous world of Femdom is to learn the local lingo. Here is a list of terminology used in Femdom and in the kink world.

I am sure some terms will be debated. But for the newbie, it is good for have some point of reference in conversation.

Please feel free to email other terms or alternate definitions for our consideration. 

These definitions come from the the dictionary, the Fet Kinktionary, the Fet BDSM Glossary group, and other users. They have been tailored as I see fit.

24/7

24 hours a day, 7 days a week, D/s or M/s relationship (similar to a marriage. You are always married, even if not engaged in sex at the moment. A 24/7 D/s is still in play even if no kink or service is happening at the moment.) Click Here to Learn More!

ABDL

Adult Baby Diaper Lovers

Aftercare is the period following kink activities where participants take steps to calm down and regain balance. It helps address physical and emotional needs that may arise from the intensity of the experience, reducing the risk of after-effects like drop. Many find aftercare beneficial for strengthening emotional bonds and trust. Depending on the intensity of the scene and individual needs, aftercare may involve moving to a quiet, comfortable space, ensuring warmth with blankets and gentle touch, providing hydration and light snacks to restore balance, offering verbal reassurance and emotional support, and tending to any physical injuries. Extended aftercare may include checking in within the next few days to ensure well-being. While aftercare is valuable for many, not everyone needs or wants it, so discussing preferences beforehand is essential.

Age play

Age play is a dynamic where participants take on a role that differs from their actual age, with the most common form being regression—acting significantly younger. This can take many forms, including Adult Baby Diaper Lovers (ABDL). Age play dynamics often involve a Caregiver (CG), though not always in a Mommy role. Those playing a younger role may be referred to as a little, baby, or baby(boy/girl), though pet names are also commonly used. Age play can be either sexual or entirely non-sexual, depending on the preferences of those involved.

Animal play

A form of role play in which the participants take on the persona of an animal, most commonly puppies and ponies.

Someone serving as an ashtray for a Dominant. This generally involves taking ash in their mouth (or holding a receptacle for ash) or cigarettes or cigars being put out on the person’s skin, mouth or other areas.

Authority Transfer / Power Exchange (PE)

A relationship where a slave or submissive transfers all of their agency to their Dominant. Consent is given but not renegotiated for each activity.

BD, B/D, B&D (Bondage and Discipline)

Bondage and Discipline (B&D) is a category within BDSM that involves the use of physical restraints (bondage) and behavioral control (discipline).

• Bondage refers to restricting a person’s movement using tools like ropes, cuffs, chains, or straps. This can create sensations of vulnerability, trust, and submission within a consensual dynamic.
• Discipline involves enforcing rules and expectations, often with rewards and punishments to encourage obedience. Punishments may include spankings, time-outs, or other agreed-upon corrective actions.

B&D can be either sexual or non-sexual and focuses on power exchange, control, and trust. Safety, consent, and clear communication are essential to ensure a positive experience for all involved.

BDSM

Bondage and Discipline, Domination and Submission, Sadism and Masochism

Big

A person who is a nurturing and/or parental in a relationship dynamic.

Bondage

The B in BDSM stands for Bondage and involves restricting a person’s movement using restraints such as ropes, cuffs, straps, chains, or other materials. It can range from simple wrist restraints to intricate rope work (shibari) and may be done for aesthetic, psychological, or sensory purposes. Bondage can enhance feelings of vulnerability, trust, and control within a consensual dynamic. While it can be incorporated into sexual play, it can also be purely about restraint, sensation, or power exchange. Safety is a key consideration, with practices like using quick-release knots, having safety shears nearby, and establishing a safe word or signal to ensure a positive experience.

The person receiving the action or play from the top Click Here to Learn More!

Branding

A permanent mark placed on the body to show ownership (often a tattoo or burn)

Bull

They are often a third party in a cuckold/Cuckoldress dynamic where they play the role of a more potent partner for the Cuckoldress in order to humiliate the cuckold.

Capitalization

It is traditional to use lowercase when referring to submissive roles and upper case when referring to Dominant roles. For example – D/s (Dominance and submission) is frequently written with the “D” as a capital letter and the “s” as a lowercase letter to symbolise the power exchange.
This style is also used by some people in a D/s dynamic when communicating via text, with the submissive capitalizing You when referring to their Dominant and i when referring to themselves in messages.

Caregiver (CG)

A person who takes on a nurturing and/or parental role in a relationship dynamic. They tend to the needs of their partner, and often encourage and support them to grow.

Castration Play

This type of play revolves around the theme of castration (the removal or deactivation of the testicles). It generally falls into two main approaches:

1. Verbal: Focused on discussion, which may include threats or fantasies about future castration, describing sensations to a blindfolded partner as if castration were occurring, or reflecting on past castration-related experiences.
2. Physical: Involves actions that simulate or reference castration without causing permanent harm, falling under the broader category of CBT (cock and ball torture).

Actual castration is not considered “play.”

Castrator or Castratrix

The giving role in castration play

CBT (Cock & Ball Torture)

Causing sensation, discomfort and pain to the testicles and penis.

CEI (Cum Eating Instructions)

Instructions given by a top or dominant to direct a a person to consume their cum.

CFNM(F)(P) / CFnm(f)(p)

Clothed Female, Naked(Nude) Male (Female) (Person)
When all letters are capitalized, dynamics are not involved.
If “CF” is capitalized and the remainder letters are not, then power dynamics are involved. The F is dominant and the m, f, or p is submissive.

Abstinence from certain sexual activity often enforced through equipment (chastity belts or cages) that confine and restrict access to and use of the wearer’s genitals.

In BDSM, corporal punishment refers to the use of physical discipline, such as spanking, flogging, paddling, caning, or whipping, as a form of punishment or sensation play. It can be used to reinforce power dynamics in D/s relationships, either as genuine discipline for breaking agreed-upon rules or as a consensual form of psychological or role play.

Technically the definition of a collar is “a strap made of leather or other strong material that is put around the neck”. In BDSM a collar and act of collaring is much more. Click on this link for a full page about collaring.

Consensual non-consent (CNC)

An exploration of power dynamics that involves eroticizing the act of fully surrendering control and placing complete trust in another. This can include role-playing nonconsensual scenarios or negotiating situations where one partner consensually relinquishes their ability to give or withdraw consent within specific activities or the relationship.

Compersion

Compersion refers to the feeling of joy, pleasure, or emotional fulfillment derived from seeing one’s partner experience happiness, pleasure, or intimacy with someone else. It is often considered the opposite of jealousy and reflects a deep sense of security, trust, and emotional maturity within a relationship.

Cuckolding

A form of humiliation or voyeuristic play where a cuckold or cuckquean consents to their partner engaging in sexual activities with another person. The dynamic often emphasizes the idea that the third party is more sexually potent than the cuckold or cuckquean, though it can also be driven by voyeuristic or exhibitionistic pleasure for all involved. While all parties are aware of the arrangement, not everyone may actively participate in the sexual activities. The cuckold or cuckqueanmay be subjected to humiliation, which can include acts such as being required to clean up bodily fluids after the encounter.

Cuckoldress

A Cuckoldress is a female-identifying person in a cuckold dynamic who engages in sexual activities with others while their partner (the cuckold) remains submissive, often experiencing humiliation, chastity, or voyeuristic pleasure.

D/s

Dominant/submissive (or slave)

Degradation

Degradation in BDSM is a form of humiliation play where a submissive is intentionally belittled, demeaned, or treated in a way that lowers their sense of status, dignity, or worth. This can be psychological, verbal, or physical and is done consensually as part of a power exchange dynamic. Degradation play is distinct from general humiliation in that it specifically targets self-worth and identity. It requires strong communication, trust, and aftercare to ensure the experience remains safe and enjoyable for all involved. Consent and clear boundaries are essential in degradation play.

Common forms of degradation include:

• Verbal degradation: Name-calling, insults, or being spoken to in a demeaning manner.
• Physical degradation: Being spat on, made to kneel, or treated as an object.
• Behavioral degradation: Performing humiliating acts, such as begging or being ignored.

Discipline

See “BD, B/D, B&D (Bondage and Discipline)”

Disciplinarian

A Disciplinarian in BDSM is a Dominant who focuses on enforcing rules, discipline, and behavioral correction within a power exchange dynamic. They take on the role of providing structure and guiding their submissive through rules and expectations, often with a focus on corrective actions, punishments, and rewards. The disciplinary aspect can involve physical punishments (like spanking or caning) or non-physical methods, such as verbal reprimands, loss of privileges, or time-outs.

The Disciplinarian’s role is often about reinforcing obedience and ensuring that the submissive follows the agreed-upon rules, with the goal of reinforcing respect, control, and trust in the relationship. Like all BDSM dynamics, the Disciplinarian/submissive relationship is built on mutual consent, communication, and respect for boundaries.

Dom

See “Dominant”

Dominance

One of the core principles of BDSM. The D in BDSM stands for Dominance as well as Discipline. The practice of taking the dominant role in a relationship

Dominant

The person who makes the decisions and has the power in a power dynamic,
The abbreviate is “dom” or “domme”. Usually “dom” is considered male, but it does not have to be. “Domme” is considered the female version of the abbreviation. Like most things, there is debate on this. Click Here to Learn More!

Dominatrix

The Latin feminine of the term ‘dominator’, one who dominates. This could just mean a woman who enjoys taking the dominant role but almost always refers specifically to the professional dominatrix who has sessions or scenes where she dominates or tops, for pay.
The work of these women is legal in many places and isn’t considered to be prostitution because very often genital sex is not involved.

Domme

See “Dominant”

Drop

An emotional and/or physical state which may be experienced by individuals (both Tops and bottoms) after an intense BDSM scene, characterised by a sudden decline in neurochemical levels and associated with various physical and emotional symptoms. Not everyone experiences drop, and those who experience it may not experience it every time. It can vary significantly among individuals, with some reporting it immediately after an intense BDSM scene and others experiencing it hours or even a day later.
Drop can consist of:
Feelings of fatigue, emotional vulnerability and mild depression
Feelings of exhaustion and emotional sensitivity
Feeling drained or exposed
Muscle fatigue and overall physical tiredness
Post-shock or post-trauma responses, such as changes in body temperature or drop in glucose levels and disorientation.

Dungeon

A play space equipped for BDSM

Fantasy Booker (Time Waster)

Potential Pro-Dom client who pretends to be serious about booking a session but is actually wasting time and not really serious about following through. His motivation is to go back & forth with correspondence as long as she will let him, all the while achieving self gratification while he wastes the pro’s time without compensation.

Female Superiority

The belief that women are superior to men but their relationships may not necessarily be based on total domination. It often involves the belief that women are in control, and the submissive partner acknowledges this by following rules, serving, and respecting the woman’s authority. However, the focus may still be on mutual respect and care.

Female Supremacy

Female Supremacy is a belief system and power dynamic where women are considered inherently superior to men or submissive partners, often leading to a structure where women hold absolute authority and control. In BDSM relationships based on Female Supremacy, the submissive (often male) fully surrenders to the woman’s dominance in all aspects of life, including physical, emotional, financial, and psychological control.

Femdom

What is Femdom ?

Feminism

Feminism is a socio-political movement and ideology that advocates for gender equality and the rights of women. It challenges systemic inequalities and patriarchal structures by promoting social, political, and economic equality between genders. Feminism encompasses diverse perspectives and strategies, all aimed at empowering individuals, particularly women, and dismantling discrimination and gender-based oppression.

Feminization

Feminization refers to a kink in which a person, often male, is transformed or made to take on traditionally feminine traits, behaviors, or appearances. This can be done for a variety of reasons, including humiliation, erotic enjoyment, identity exploration, or deepening submission.Common elements of feminization include: Clothing & Appearance, Behavioral Training, Verbal Play & Titles, and Gender Exploration.
The humiliation aspect makes feminization very unattractive to many women, as it indicates that the male feels it is humiliating to be female. This view is sexist, is a hard limit for many people, and confusing for the male who doesn’t seem to understand the consternation. Not all feminization play is rooted in humiliation—some submissives genuinely enjoy embracing femininity, either as part of their kink or personal identity.

Feminizer

A person who likes to transform men into feminine beings by modifying their appearance, behavior and mindset.

Financial Domination

A consensual arrangement, often within the context of a power exchange relationship, where one party (the Dominant) exercises varying degrees of control over the financial decisions and resources of another party (the submissive). This dynamic can range from demanding tributes or gifts to managing financial matters on behalf of the submissive. While professional financial dominants (FinDoms or FinDommes) act with consent and provide a legitimate and desired service, the rise of amateur financial dominants seeking to exploit vulnerable individuals for easy money has led to misunderstanding and judgement of this kink.

FLR and FDR and FCR

Female Led Relationship, Female Dominated Relationship, and Female Centered Relationship:

Female-Led Relationship (FLR): In an FLR, the emphasis is on leadership rather than dominance. The female partner takes on a leadership role, which may involve decision-making, guiding the direction of the relationship, and assuming more responsibilities. This may or may not involve BDSM elements. The focus is more on leadership and responsibilities rather than explicit dominance and submission activities.

Female-Dominant Relationship (FDR): FDR implies a more explicit dominance and submission dynamic. In an FDR, the female partner is positioned as the dominant figure, exercising control and authority over certain aspects of the relationship. This might involve BDSM elements, power exchange dynamics, or a more pronounced power differential. FDRs often incorporate BDSM elements, such as bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, and sadomasochism, to varying degrees, depending on the preferences and agreements of the partners involved

Female Centered Relationship (FCR): a relationship in which the female does not lead all or most of the time however, she is the final authority; she is the keystone and the center of gravity around which everything is focused.

Frenzy (sub/Dom/Top)

An overwhelming feeling of need or excitement, often triggered by the discovery of BDSM or BDSM communities. It is characterized by an urgent drive to find partner/s and gather information and experiences. This frenzied state can evoke a powerful mix of emotions, leading to irrational behavior, poor decision-making, and increased vulnerability to exploitation. Individuals may discard common sense, rushing to form attachments or gain experience. It also makes them vulnerable targets to predators.

Gynarchy

Gynarchy is a societal or relationship structure in which women hold primary authority and leadership over men. Gynarchy can range from personal relationship dynamics (where one woman leads a submissive male partner) to broader ideological beliefs advocating for female rule in society. Some view it as a kink or roleplay, while others adopt it as a full-time lifestyle philosophy.

Head of Household: (HoH)

A style of consensual D/s relationship dynamic (“a HoH relationship”) or a role identity (“they are the HoH”). The HoH is “the boss” within the relationship, with the authority/power to make (and, in some relationships, enforce) decisions.

House, Household, Family, Clan, Pack

A group of three or more people who follow one or more Dominants. Each House has its own style, rules (if any), and interactions.

Humiliation

Humiliation in BDSM is a form of psychological play where a submissive is intentionally embarrassed, degraded, or made to feel vulnerable as part of a consensual power exchange dynamic. It is often used to reinforce submission, arouse feelings of vulnerability, or deepen the D/s dynamic. Humiliation play is about mutual enjoyment and trust, ensuring the experience remains safe, fulfilling, and consensual for all involved.

Types of Humiliation Play:

• Verbal Humiliation: Insults, name-calling, or being spoken to in a degrading manner.
• Physical Humiliation: Forced nudity, crawling, or being placed in embarrassing positions.
• Behavioral Humiliation: Performing degrading tasks, begging, or public embarrassment.
• Sexual Humiliation: Being denied pleasure, exposed, or forced into embarrassing sexual situations.
• Objectification: Being treated as a thing rather than a person, such as being called a pet or furniture.

JOI – Jerk Off Instructions

Instructions given by a top or dominant to direct a male how to touch his cock

Key Holder

The top role in chastity play. Holds the key to a locked Chasity cage or belt.

Little

A person who identifies with or enjoys exhibiting a child-like mindset and/or behaviors. Their relationships may or may not include a power exchange component and may or may not have a sexual component.

M/s, M-s or MS

Mistress/slave or Master/slave

Ma’am/Madam

A title or form of address used without a name as a form of respectful or polite address towards a woman of superior rank.

Master

1. One of many titles a Dominant can choose to take, and its meaning varies depending on the person who uses it.
2. A common definition is that a Master is a Dominant who takes on an ownership role over a submissive, often referred to as a slave, in a Master/slave (M/s) dynamic. This type of power exchange can typically be more structured and intense than a standard Dominant/submissive (D/s) relationship. BUT it is important to know that many people do not see a difference between M/s and D/s. I, myself, flow between the titles depending on the setting we are in.
3. Master can also mean someone who has “mastered” a specific skill or skills, as in, he is a Master of wax play.

Middle

1. A person who identifies with or exhibits a younger mindset and/or behaviors but feels more like a teen or pre-teen than a little.
2. When two or more tops are co-topping, it is possible that one or more could be the “middle”. They are doing the action but at the direction of the top. The top is leading, and the Middle is following along.

(PAT) Partial Authority Transfer or (PPE) Partial Power Exchange

A relationship where there are some areas where the submissive retains their agency. This term is not often used but it is what many people actually mean when they use the term “Total Authority Transfer”.

Pegging

Pegging is when a person uses a strap-on dildo or other penetrative device to anally penetrate their partner.

Pillow Queen

A female presenting Dominant who enjoys having things done to her. They enjoy being pleasured and adored simultaneously.

Power Exchange (PE) / Authority Transfer

A relationship where a slave or submissive irrevocably transfers all of their agency to their Dominant. Consent is given but not renegotiated for each activity. Click Here to Learn More!

Pushy Bottom

Common phrase for a bottom who is over-demanding and while purporting to be submissive attempts to control the scene by manipulation.

Queening

Queening is a form of face-sitting that is typically associated with dominance, worship, and female-led power dynamics. It involves cunnilingus where the receiver sits on or straddles the giver’s face. This act often carries a dominance element, as the person on top maintains control over the person below. In some cases, it can also incorporate elements of breath play, as the giver’s airflow may be restricted until the receiver has reached their desired pleasure.

Queening stools, queening chair, smotherboxes

This furniture helps a femdom to sit over a person’s head to make it easier on her legs to receive oral sex.

Rimming

Rimming is also known as analingus and is the act of orally stimulating the anus with the lips, tongue, or mouth.

Sacred Feminine

The Sacred Feminine is a spiritual and philosophical concept that honors the divine, mystical, and powerful aspects of femininity. It represents qualities such as nurturing, creation, intuition, wisdom, sensuality, and connection to nature and the universe.

Sadist

A person who enjoys inflicting humiliation or pain consensually on someone, whether it’s emotionally, mentally or physically.

Sadomasochism

Sadomasochism (S&M) refers to the consensual practice of giving and/or receiving pain, humiliation, or intense physical and psychological sensations for pleasure. It is a combination of sadism (deriving pleasure from inflicting pain or control) and masochism (deriving pleasure from receiving pain or submission).

Safeword

A safeword is a pre-agreed word or phrase that a bottom can use during a scene to signal the need to slow down or stop entirely. If the bottom is gagged or unable to speak, a safe signal or stop signal serves as a non-verbal alternative. Safewords function as both a safety measure and a crucial tool for managing consent in BDSM play.

Service Top

A Top who operates under the direction of the bottom, either by following explicit instructions or by having the freedom to shape the scene while prioritizing the bottom’s desires. The defining aspect of service topping is the intent to fulfill the bottom’s requests as a form of “service,” whether determined beforehand or during the scene. Click Here to Learn More!

Sissy

A person who engages in being feminized as a kink. This can also include being humiliated in order to reach a different emotional or mental state. *Note – this is a highly controversial term and practice in the femdom community

Slave Breaking

Slave training in a CNC (consensual non-consent) framework — consists of BDSM activities that assert hierarchy where the person in the receiving role performs intense resistance against subordination. This resistance is ‘broken down’ through more intense discipline and degradation.

Slave Training (training)

Training refers to the structured process through which a Dominant (or Master/Mistress/Owner) conditions and teaches a submissive (or slave) to follow rules, behaviors, rituals, and protocols that align with their dynamic.

Slut

A person who embraces the freedom to engage in sexual activity in accordance with their desires, with one or multiple partners, regardless of conventional values.

Steer

A masculine, neuter or non-binary receiving role of castration play

Submissive

A submissive (sub) is a person who willingly gives up control or authority to a Dominant (Dom) in a consensual power exchange dynamic. The level of submission can vary, from occasional role-play to full-time submission, depending on personal preferences and negotiated agreements. Click Here to Learn More!

Submission

One of the core principles of BDSM as an opposite to Dominance. The S in BDSM stands for submission as well as sadomasochism. The act of or interest in submitting to a someone else’s will. The level of submission can change greatly between dynamics.

Subspace

Subspace is an altered mental and emotional state that a submissive may enter during an intense scene. It is often described as a deep, trance-like, euphoric, or floaty state, triggered by physical sensations, psychological dynamics, or emotional connection with the Dominant.

Sufferer

Someone who derives pleasure, satisfaction, or fulfillment from enduring pain, discomfort, or challenging experiences whether they are physical, psychological or emotional. The focus for a sufferer is often on the overall experience of enduring something difficult, rather than just the sensation of pain.

Switch

A switch is someone who enjoys and engages in both Dominant and submissive roles or the top and bottom roles, depending on their mood, partner, or specific scene.

Thing

Refers to a form of extreme objectification, where an individual embraces being treated as an inanimate object or an entity without personal identity, autonomy, or human characteristics.

(TAT) Total Authority Transfer or (TPE) Total Power Exchange

A consensual arrangement where a submissive or slave gives full control or authority, over their life, decisions, and actions to a Dominant or Master. This dynamic is often long-term, 24/7, and highly structured, involving an extreme level of power exchange. TAT is usually stricter than a standard D/s relationship, as the submissive has little to no decision-making power. Click Here to Learn More!

Top

The person giving the action to the bottom, such as administering pleasure or pain through various means. Click Here to Learn More!

Top space/ Domme space

An altered mental or emotional state that a Dominant (Top) may experience during or after a scene. It is often described as a heightened sense of focus, power, euphoria, or connection with the submissive. While subspace is about letting go and surrendering, Top space is about taking control and leading the scene.

Topping from the bottom

when a bottom is trying to control the scene or top

Urinal

A submissive who enjoys being urinated on or drinking urine, as part of urine play.