The Meaning of the Collar: Symbolism, Significance, and Evolution
In the world of femdom dynamics, few symbols carry as much emotional gravity and personal resonance as the collar. To those outside the lifestyle, a collar might appear as simple jewelry, perhaps a choker or a costume accessory. But within the community, a collar can symbolize trust, power exchange, love, commitment, and a sense of belonging. For many, its meaning is as significant as a wedding ring, and sometimes even more so.

What Is a Collar?
At its core, a collar is a physical symbol of the dynamic between a Dominant and her submissive. It often represents the submissive’s surrender and service, as well as the Dominant’s care, responsibility, and claim. But like most symbols in BDSM, the meaning of a collar depends on the relationship and the people involved.

Collars come in many forms, leather bands, locking metal chains, elegant necklaces, ankle bracelets, waist chains, or even tattoos. Some are discreet; others are boldly visible. The diversity in form reflects the diversity of intent: no two D/s relationships are exactly alike, and neither are their collars.

Beyond Ownership: Belonging and Connection
While the collar is often linked to ownership, many individuals describe its meaning in more relational and emotional terms. For some, it signals belonging, not in a dehumanizing or objectifying sense, but as a consensual, sacred connection.

This distinction matters. For many, the collar evolves over time. What may begin as a symbol of erotic control may later come to represent mutual devotion, emotional safety, and enduring partnership. (As was the case with me.)

Types of Collars and Their Purposes
Collars can serve many functions, practical, emotional, ceremonial, and people often wear different collars depending on the context. I have attempted to list the different types of collars below.  One collar can fall into more than one category. Also, your dynamic may not include many of these types of collars, you may not even ‘believe in” some of them.  And like all things kink, that is perfectly OK. For example, my boy and I did not have a consideration nor training collar. I put him immediately into a permanent collar.  I don’t think that collar represented anything as deep as marriage when I first put it on. And that is OK too.  Below is just a guide, it is not a rule book.

1. Consideration Collar
 A symbol of interest, intention, and mutual exploration. This collar is often the first step in a D/s relationship. It shows that the Dominant is considering the submissive for a more serious dynamic and that both parties are entering into a period of getting to know each other’s needs, limits, and compatibility.


2. Training Collar
Marks the period of active training, structure, and behavioral development. It shows that the Dominant is considering the submissive for a more serious dynamic and that both parties are entering into a period of getting to know each other’s needs, limits, and compatibility.  Given once the relationship has progressed beyond consideration.


3. Permanent Collars
This collar signifies a long-term or even lifelong commitment between the Dominant and submissive. It often comes after months or years of building trust, negotiating limits, and understanding one another deeply. For many, it carries emotional significance equivalent to or greater than a wedding ring.  For others the wedding ring signifies the broader life together where the collar is a symbol of the subset of the D/s dynamic. Meant to be worn 24/7, these collars are often made of metal or other durable materials. Many require tools to remove and are sometimes referred to as “eternity collars.” (My boi has one on his ankle.)

4. Play Collars
Used primarily during scenes or kinky play, these are often leather or synthetic and may include D-rings, buckles, or clasps for restraint. They are typically functional and symbolic.

5. Day Collars (Vanilla Collars)
Many submissives wish to carry the energy and symbolism of their dynamic into the vanilla world, but subtly. Day collars allow for that. Discreet enough to wear in public or at work, these often resemble regular jewelry—like an O-ring necklace, chain, or pendant. They allow a submissive to carry a symbol of their dynamic in everyday life.

Design Options:
– Minimalist chokers with an O-ring or small charm.
– Fine chain necklaces with lock or symbol (e.g., triskelion, infinity loop, O-ring).
– Bracelets, anklets, or rings that carry the collar’s meaning.
– Magnetic clasp collars that look like regular jewelry but carry hidden meaning for the wearer.

Tips for Wearing Discreetly:
Choose a metal or gemstone that matches your usual style.
Avoid overt bondage indicators (spikes, industrial locks) in formal or conservative spaces.
Establish a symbolic ritual with your Dominant to “activate” the collar mentally, even if it looks ordinary.

6. Specialty Collars
These include pet play collars (with bells, nameplates), ritual collars (custom-made for ceremony), or even “slave collars” styled after historical bondage gear.

7. Alternative Tokens
When a collar isn’t practical, due to job constraints, skin sensitivity, or discretion, couples may use bow ties, arm band, tattoos, locking rings, or even genital piercing. The symbolism remains, even if the form changes.



Who Should Choose the Collar? Who should Pay for it?
This answer should not surprise you:
There is no right answer.  Ask ten couples and get ten answers.

In my particular case, I picked out and bought my boy a permanent collar that he wears on his ankle. He has a gold chain with gold o-ring that he picked out and we both paid for. And he has a leather play collar with D-ring that he picked out and paid for. Later I went on vacation and bought him a new play collar that is more comfortable and says “fuck toy”.

Other couples get pieces designed or get matching pieces. The possibilities are vast and there are no wrong answers.

When and Where Should a submissive Wear the Collar? Is the submissive Permitted to Put it On and Take it Off?
What are the Rules Exactly?
Like all areas of kink, the “rules” of collaring are decided in conversion or negotiation between all those involved. And whatever you all agree to is OK.

Ritual often accompanies the giving and wearing of a collar. For some, it’s a reclaiming ceremony after time apart. For others, it’s part of daily life, worn during private rituals or scenes. 

For us, We have a ritual for putting his play collar on and when he gets in bed at night, one of the last things I do is take it off of him. However, he is still wearing his permanent collar on his ankle. That never comes off. He is never allowed to put the collar on or take it off himself.  Not THAT collar. But he IS allowed to put on and take off his “vanilla” collar. I always feel a little warmth in my heart when I look over at him in public and he is wearing his vanilla collar, because I know that means he was thinking of us and put it on with intention.

For you, it is whatever you both agree to, together.