What does a new Dominant need to know?
A lot.
That doesn’t mean you have to know it all right off the bat. You can wade in at your leisure.
Just take it slow. Get comfortable. Take it one step at a time.
For reference, you can read my story and how I took it one domain at a time.

Read the intro to this website if you passed it by: The Femdom Hub
And read my story: How Did You Meet Your boy (and How Did he Get So Lucky)?

But to condense it for you: “We went on a date to a restaurant. I sent him a document explaining his responsibilities and how I wanted him to behave at a restaurant. (Stand when I approach and leave the table, I order, he may not talk to wait staff…)
And I had TAT(Total Authority Transfer) at restaurants.
A month or so later we added driving and shopping. I added to the document another set of expectations.
Then we made a plan to play at the dungeon. I sent him rules and expectations. And he followed those. And so it went. Every time we did something new, new protocols were shared.
Eventually it was full weekends in his home. This is where we started our collaring ritual and chores started to evolve.
Even after a year in, we went on a road trip and when we made a rest stop, he didn’t wait for me, he went to the car.
I didn’t like that, so protocols were created for road trips.
Now, 20 months in, we live together and I have authority over most things.”


THIS IS NOT HOW EVERYONE DOES IT.
You will find that in kink there is no “how everyone does it”. We all travel our own path.
I know that some couples spend weeks or months negotiating, vetting and planning it all out. Once they being, the begin 100% 24/7. No wading in for them.
That is another approach.

This is why I look for other voices to share on this website and not just mine. I don’t know EVERYTHING about femdom. I only know about me and my dynamic. I know what worked and what didn’t. I know my way. Not all the ways.

In that spirit a share with you a 13 PAGE ARTICLE called “Advice for New Dominants from Experienced Submissives”. (of which, this is article 1.)
100’s of femdom subs were asked and many responded, to the question “What advice would you give a new Dominant?”.
I took those answers and tried to organize and condense it into an article. But I couldn’t. The advice was too good and too detailed to condense. So I organized it into themes and created a page for each overarching idea. And those ideas are:


Defining Your Own Style of Dominance


Prioritizing Clear Communication


Seeking Education, Mentorship, and Community Support


Embracing Growth: Mistakes, Self-Awareness, and Reflection


Fostering a Supportive Environment: Trust, Aftercare, and Empathy


Creating Meaningful Protocols & Boundaries


Balancing Structure with Playfulness and Spontaneity


Overcoming Common Pitfalls


Understanding Your Sub as an Individual


Establishing Balance: D/s + Vanilla = Whole Relationship


Enjoying What You Do


Final Thoughts



Stepping into the role of a Dominant can feel exhilarating, intimidating, and, at times, confusing—especially when you’re just starting out. If you’ve ever wondered if you’re “doing it right,” you’re not alone. Many new Dominants—particularly women—struggle with stereotypes and expectations and worry they’ll fail to meet some mythical “perfect Domme” standard, that doesn’t reflect their own personalities or desires. In truth, seasoned submissives consistently report that the most successful Dominance springs from authenticity, curiosity, and respectful communication, rather than rigid adherence to stereotypes or “must-do” checklists.
How does one balance authority with empathy? How do you guide a sub without resorting to clichés or cruelty? How do you lead with confidence but avoid falling into rigid stereotypes? This guide draws directly from the wisdom of experienced submissives who have walked the path of trust, vulnerability, and growth under caring Dominants, and who generously shared what truly matters from their side of the dynamic. Their insights serve not only as a compass for new Dominants but as an affirmation that the most powerful dominance begins with self-awareness, empathy, and honest communication.

* Also, just a disclaimer, I may not agree with everything in every article. But my job here is not to edit but to be the conduit for what submissives have said. as I have said, I want to represent many voices here, not just my own.