Over the years I have learned that I am different than other females, and not just in the most obvious ways.

I always thought differently than my girlfriends that I hung around, ever since as a young child. I definitely was never self conscious or shy like a lot of them. I was unbothered by things that seemed life changing for them. I knew what I wanted from a young age and wasn’t afraid to go after it. Like I have said before, I always knew I leaned more attracted to women, but thought I was bisexual until my mid 20’s.
So, after I had my son, I could feel I was leaning more and more towards not being interested sexually in males. I don’t remember what exactly happened, but I remember I was having some kind of disagreement with T and they said to me ‘why don’t you just admit you’re a lesbian’.

Later, while sharing this with my therapist at the time, she said she felt I may not only be gay but she ‘suspected’ it may be more than that. She sent me to a clinic that literally ‘diagnosed’ me as androgynous, which, in todays terms, is non binary.

At the time I didn’t really think too much of it but the older I got, the more I realized that fit.

I definitely have female traits, but I have just as many male traits that I can’t deny. Again, when I told my inner circle of long time friends, the reaction I got most often was ‘yeah, that makes a lot of sense’.

Years before this, when I would get into heated arguments with Di, her favourite thing was to call me a man. She’d yell, ‘You’re just like a fucking man!’, whenever she got upset.

This definitely affects my style of domination. Even just the way I prefer to keep my slaves and other parts of my life separate, seems not to be common with female dominants. A lot of them want a monogamous husband, that is also their submissive. I have always preferred my romantic partners to be separate. Not to say there isn’t attachment or even love after some time, towards my slaves, but it’s just…different. Of course, I care for them, I would not be responsible for their well being if I didn’t…just my brain very much compartmentalizes people, innately, without me even fully controlling it.

I definitely don’t feel the same way about a lot of things as a lot of the other lifestyle Dommes I have interacted with on here through the message boards. There is a lot of emphasis on calling women, women. They don’t like the term females, or girls (which I would only use to describe an s type)…I use female all the time, without thinking much about it.

I didn’t even realize others didn’t like it until recently. I don’t know if this is something newer and that is why or I just never noticed before.
Another noticeable difference, and this one I was surprised by, was a lot of the Dommes on here say chastity is very much a male fetish that most women don’t care about. For me, with boys, that is definitely one of my biggest kinks, like I have expressed before.

I am also VERY visual like a male. I like porn, and I like looking at photos of naked sexualized women. I like to be sexually blunt (though it would be super rare for me to want to jump into that without a bit of chit chat first, also, I either feel it or I don’t, so I wouldn’t take well with someone trying to lead me there), I can have FWB without emotional attachment, even long term. Though that really isn’t of much interest to me these days with the very rare exception.

Something else I noticed I am different about, however this isn’t exclusively female, though I think more males would be into it than females, is how I like to be addressed.

When I first started playing around with D, he asked if he could call me Mistress. I can’t deny that I really liked it. He never used my actual name much, and within a couple of months I stopped him from doing that completely. I have never liked to allowed that since.

Two points on this. First, even though I don’t feel completely female, I do prefer Ma’am and Mistress over other honourifics. I know a lot of NB people like something more neutral, or even lean towards the more male Master title, but that doesn’t have the same feeling for me. It doesn’t seem as sexual, for lack of a better term. And while a lot of lifestyle Dommes will say a lot of service isn’t sexual, and I agree with that, some of it has no sexual base, even to me. But I can’t deny I am a very sexual person. I have an unusually high sex drive for a female and I am not shy about it.

Second point is, from what I have observed, most Dommes will say it is rude to use honourifics right off the bat. This is one of the main reasons I state right in my profile how I desire to be addressed, because everyone is different. Of course, I would only expect those that would desire me to see them as submissives (whether or not they are looking to serve me or not is irrelevant), because if they start off too casual, my brain will compartmentalize them into the ‘friendzone’ and there is very little time to effectively move back out of that before I would never be able to view them as anything other again. Of course, I would never expect a friend or another D type to address me like that, nor do I think I would like that.

I would NEVER be able to get turned on doing the sadistic things that really excite me to someone I saw as a romantic partner. In fact, one tried, at one point, to act submissive in the bedroom and it really turned me off. I cannot explain this, it’s something that just happens. I would love to hear if this is common in others.

I like to reserve the term Mistress for my personal slaves, which is why I use Ma’am most often. If I am just chatting with a submissive online, casually, there is never any reason they would need to know my actual name. If I am meeting someone, I will reveal my identity when I feel it’s appropriate, when needed to make the other party feel safe, the same time I would like theirs. But I will make it VERY CLEAR that they are to never use it. Many of my slaves over the years have never had a need to use it. My 3 longest terms would use it a few times for various reasons and all of them expressed how out of place it felt, which is how it should feel.

Like I said, early on, D asked if he could use it. With T, I had them address me as Ma’am until such time we entered into a dynamic and then allowed them to call me Mistress. In fact, we had something of a short break about half way in and when we started talking again, I made them call me Ma’am again until I was sure, they really didn’t like that, but I felt the need for distinction.

Now, since then, how I instruct it is to start, I prefer Ma’am, and even when we move into the dynamic, I still have them use Ma’am. I will explain to them that as trust is built and they are ready to fully trust me and move into a TPE, that is when they can call me Mistress, which makes it the truer sense of the title. Once they choose to call me that, we both understand that I am now in full control and while it might not seem as much has changed, it has.

If there comes a time that my slaves are ever around any of my close friends, I also insist they are addressed as Miss or Sir, unless that particular friend is uncomfortable with that. Even if there is no sexual play happening. I think there should be some level of respect given to those I am friends with, to keep the slave and everyone else in the room, aware of their place.

Speaking of friends, there was a thread this week asking how much of someone’s kink life they share with their vanilla friends. A lot of people said they keep it completely separate, a few said they have vanilla friends that know they are kinky but that’s about it. There was one other Domme on that thread, who, like me, said they had a inner circle of close girlfriends that love to hear about it and she shares.
I have a number of friends, mostly female, that know. Some are more interested, some not as much. At one point, I had one girlfriend that vicariously lived through my experiences, wanting every detail I would give her after she knew I had a session. Those were some fun and interesting coffee dates. I even had a couple of girlfriends that would want to watch some play occasionally, which I have done a couple of times. It’s a good exercise for the slave to be reminded not only of their place but of their purpose, in being used anyway I see fit, including entertainment for my friends.

I know some of my slaves also had friends that knew. Not sure about D but from what I know about him, I assume he kept it pretty private. I know T had a few friends that knew. I know Q had a few. As for how much actual detail they told anyone about anything, I don’t really know. I leave that at their discretion, it’s not like I ever plan to meet any of their friends anyway, so it doesn’t affect me.
As usual, this is getting long so let me end with my usual story time…I guess it makes sense to talk about a time when one of my friends wanted to watch.

The last male slave I owned, I will call him B, was a lot of fun because he was quite reactive. Not only to direct stimulation but he was a flincher. I have a long time friend named Kim that was always interested in hearing about my escapades, but often in disbelief. Not like she thought I was lying, but just that she couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that people actually did the stuff I was telling her about.
I invited her in once to watch and her reactions were almost as fun as his. She sat on the sofa, I sat in my chair while he just knelt beside me. I had some small talk with her and then I blindfolded him. First I had him strip and stand in the middle of the room, slowly turning a few times to give Kim a full view. What made her so fun, was from this point on, I don’t think she ever stopped giggling. It was partly a nervous giggle and partly a bit of shock, I think.

I told him I was going to allow her to touch him, though I didn’t, but I enjoy a good mind fuck with a slave that has had senses restricted. I would slap him on the cock with the crop, or across the ass, and pinch him, him not knowing if at any point I was allowing Kim to touch him. Then, I attached some magnetic weights to his ball parachute. Started with a couple pounds, adding a couple more as I went. I had him stand in a stress position, with his arms straight out in front of him and his legs spread wide.

At that point I tried to carry on a conversation with Kim, so he could just be in the background holding that position for me, but she was so distracted by him, it didn’t quite work out. He soon started begging for relief from the weights. So instead I turned the conversation to how entertaining this was for Kim and how pathetic B’s begging was. It didn’t take long for that begging to get much more intense. At that point, I allowed him to crouch down and let the weights rest on the floor. Once he could not crouch any longer, the weight had to come back up. I am a big fan of predicament positions like this.

While this was happening, I got up and did some writing on him. Just a plain black sharpie, on his chest and back. Kim found this quite amusing and the giggling really picked up again. It was quite amusing for me because she sounded like a school girl again. It literally reminded me of when we were in high school and would smoke pot and just talk and laugh all night.

Kim did say after a while she was quite impressed at how well and long he was able to continue like that. This went on for about half an hour or so, while he switched back and forth and I mostly just used this time to humiliate and degrade him, since Kim couldn’t hold a conversation lol.

After that, I had B kneel down and I took the blindfold off him. As soon as I took the blindfold off, his cock, which had been hard pretty much the entire time, went limp. I told him to start stroking his cock but not to cum. He was so nervous, he could hardly get it up at first. But as I started finding amusement in his lameness, that actually got him excited enough that not only did he suddenly get hard but could hardly touch before he was dangerously close to the point of no return.

At that point I told him to stop before he got himself into trouble and had him come back over to sit at my feet. I had him thank Kim for her time and tell her that he hoped he had entertained her. I had him see her to the door, so she could leave before I finished having my way with him…