Reading about a lot of relationships/dynamics on here, I see that most of them are based on mutual agreement of what kinds of play and boundaries are acceptable. While I agree that is important and can’t say I don’t allow for any flexibility at all, it isn’t exactly the same way I look at things.

I guess when you have a full on partnership of two people are who decide kink or bdsm is going to be part of that, those negotiations are important to maintain that the partnership comes first. When I am looking for someone to play with, because that is the main basis of the entire dynamic (though not to say there isn’t some other components, just not ever excluding the M/s aspect), I am more looking for someone that wants to fit in the box I want them in, so to speak.

So while I may be able to negotiate on some things, someone serving me must be aware that the deeper we get into things, the only real limits are going to be mine. I can definitely indulge in things that are not necessarily kinks of mine, as previously discussed here, if it is very exciting to the slave, that excitement may turn me on enough to interest me. The best way I can describe it is, the things I am personally most interested in, or that excite me the most, are the things listed on my profile (either in the ‘about me’ section or on my kink list)…those are the things that anyone wanting to serve me can expect I will bring up at some point. If there is anything there that isn’t something a potential slave says they are unsure about, I may not rush it but sooner or later when I am at the stage of pushing boundaries, they are going to face them.

Now, there are also things not listed that while they are not particular kinks of mine, I will indulge the right slave, after some time, if they are able to make the idea exciting to me. Of course, they would have to get to know me well before they could accomplish this, but it can happen. So, there is some flexibility and negotiation there, it’s just not maybe the same way most in the community say it needs to happen.

However, many things, for me, are non negotiable. For example, orgasm control. Especially with boys I feel this is really at the core of controlling them. I don’t think they should be able to feel any kind of sexual pleasure at all without earning it or because I allow it. I like them to be conditioned to know that pleasing me is the key to anything that feels good.

Another thing that is very important in a dynamic to me and is non negotiable is the amount of protocol training I enjoy. I understand it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, especially those in a living together situation might find it exhausting, but because I prefer to just enjoy a couple of long sessions a month, I find it very enjoyable.

Something as simple as the correct way to address the Domme is technically a protocol. I have mentioned in another writing how particular I am about it. Now, depending on how I view a particular submissive will determine how or when I enforce/correct that. If it’s just someone that I am exchanging messages with from a message board about a topic or a post and that’s as far as it’s going to go, I have no preference. If it’s someone wanting to express admiration for my writings or anything else they see of me on here, I prefer it to be a bit more formal. If it’s someone expressing desire to serve me, I like it very formal. I sometimes correct it, I sometimes wait and see how it goes, depends how I feel. But sooner or later, I will either correct it or lose interest.

Other protocols may take a submissive serving me longer to learn, especially if they have been taught differently before me. This is where I find a lot of people want to think that these protocols should be a negotiation process but I don’t. I am the Domme, I make the rules, this is what I like. For me, it’s a training process to mold to what I want. If a slave doesn’t like that, I am simply not the Domme for them.

I had one girl I was talking to early on since I came back and when I mentioned to her that I don’t allow eye contact, she made some comment about how would I know if she was listening to me. I thought that was a weird comment, then she explained her last Domme insisted on eye contact to show she was paying attention. Had this progressed, this might have been a hard thing to learn for her. But she would have learned it, one way or another. 😉

T had a really hard time with tone of voice. They expressed much frustration about it in the early months. I like a slaves voice to be small, and slow. Tone should be respectful always, and enthusiastic. It’s harder to describe in writing but I know it when I hear it. I generally don’t allow cussing (though there are exceptions to that).

I also like protocol in form of rituals while in session. Back when I would go to a submissives place for session, I would make sure they knew how I wanted them presented when I got there. They would let me in and then get down on their knees with their head down on the floor, silent, unless spoke to, until I looked around and decided I was ready for them to remove my shoes and join me.

When I have a submissive come to me (which is always the case now, since my kids are grown and gone), I let them in and as soon as they are in the door I expect them to get down on their knees, change into whatever they are supposed to be wearing, including their collar, and then get into the same position, with their head down, silent, until I either approach them or call them over to me.

One of the submissives I had that didn’t last very long (I think it was 6-7 months), I have talked about him before in relation to Di sometimes wanting him to watch us fuck or fuck her after, learned the hard way what happens when someone I am playing with tries to control the way things go or shows impatience. He came over, I was here alone. I let him in, he got down, changed and got into position to wait for me. While he was changing, my phone rang and it was someone I had been trying to get hold of, so I took the call. I was on the phone about 15-20 minutes when he got impatient and decided to come over to me and sat at my feet. When I got off the phone, I asked him what the fuck he was thought he was doing.

He said he was anxious to be close to me, that I was taking too long on the phone. I grabbed him by the hair and got up really close so I made sure he knew what I was saying and ‘explained’ to him that he doesn’t move until I tell him to move.

I made him get back into position at the front door and left him there for the next three hours while I talked on the phone and watched TV and then told him to go home. Needless to say, he never made that mistake again.

A test in patience is a good exercise for the slave sometimes. I think I have said this before but I also like things presented to me in a proper manner. Whether it be a cane, a drink, the tv remote, whatever…I like the slave on their knees with the item in their hands, over their bowed head. And just wait. Wait for me to take it. Even if I leave the item there until their arms are shaking, it’s in their best interest to just keep quiet and not move until they are told. It’s always just the safest bet to only move when instructed or ask permission. I don’t like sudden movements. I will allow them to ask or beg to change positions if they are genuinely struggling and worried they may fall out of place beyond their control, but it is not up to them to decide they have held the position long enough.

I am also a big fan of stress positions and predicament bondage. While they are not exactly the same thing, they have similar effects. I like to use them during domestic duties to make things a little more difficult just to amuse me. If I have a slave cleaning out my fridge or cleaning the bathroom, I might attach a chain from the back or front of their collar to either pussy lip clamps or a ball parachute, so if they try and hold their head totally upright, it pulls on their genitals. I also like to use them as punishment.

Sometimes I will just have them hold a position in the background while I am otherwise occupied.

Have them posed in a classic stress position while we have a ‘chat’ about what went wrong and how we are going to make sure that doesn’t happen again. Sometimes they are even fun to make orgasming more difficult and definitely more entertaining for me to watch.
I enjoy watching my slaves masturbate. Just like when they are performing oral service on a cock, I like to watch and give step by step instructions of exactly what I want them to do. Once in a blue moon I will just let them go at it but that isn’t typical. Every slave I have ever owned, female or male, has individual movements and noises they make while I am allowing them pleasure that I enjoy. I also enjoy the frustration and relief when I start and stop that pleasure or introduce something to make it difficult.

As you can see, I am rather set in my ways of what I like and don’t like. And while I may negotiate some things and may be inclined to indulge a slave in things they want that isn’t necessarily a huge turn on for me, those are things someone wanting to serve me has to accept or not. There isn’t a formal negotiation process like many others prefer. Not that I am saying there is anything wrong with that (though there are plenty that will say there is something wrong with the way I like things, hence my aversion to the community sometimes), it’s just not the way I prefer to do things. From my experience, the types of slaves that prefer my style also don’t want -that- much say in what is going to happen. I do enjoy negotiations as a form of play, but that’s a story for another time…