Submissive want Dominants to know that a “one‐size‐fits‐all” approach doesn’t work because each submissive is shaped by unique backgrounds, desires, and boundaries. What arouses or humbles one person might distress another. Here are their thoughts:

Learn Their History
Before diving into power exchange, understand your sub’s relationship with sexuality, trust, and vulnerability. Previous traumas, emotional triggers, or trust issues can dramatically influence how they experience submission.

Ask About Deep Motivations
Ask “What first drew you to submission?” or “Which activities make you feel most vulnerable or most alive?” Submissives often carry emotional triggers. Knowing these allows you to build trust rather than inadvertently causing harm.

Use Detailed Checklists 
Encourage your sub to fill out a comprehensive BDSM or kink checklist (“green” = must‐have, “yellow” = curious to try, “red” = absolute no). This acts as a starting point for open dialogue, helping both of you clarify hard and soft limits.

Acknowledge Growth and Evolution
Preferences change over time. A boundary they held last year might become a soft limit now—and vice versa. Regularly revisit their checklist to ensure you remain in sync.

No One‐Size‐Fits‐All
The ideal dynamic for one submissive might be agony and ecstasy in edge play; for another, it could be gentle domestic service.  Avoid assuming that one “style” of Dominance will work for every sub. Instead, let their individual desires, expressed verbally or discovered through play, guide your approach.

Accept That Subs May Not Know Everything
Some submissives only discover their needs (mental, emotional, or physical) through trial and error. You can facilitate this discovery by offering gentle prompts: “Would you like to try a short session of sensory deprivation to see how it feels?” If something resonates, you’ll know; if not, you’ll learn together.

Respect Courage and Vulnerability
Sharing intimate desires can be difficult. Whenever a sub reveals a new fantasy, respond with curiosity and gratitude rather than judgment. This encourages further openness.