There is no reliable way to visually or intuitively tell if someone is Dominant or submissive in public, especially in vanilla settings. The only consistent, respectful, and effective method is to use your words and ask, with consent, tact, and context.

To be clear:
* There are no visual or behavioral tells.  Personality traits (assertive, quiet, confident, nurturing) do not correlate with D/s orientation. Appearance, like wearing a collar, can be misleading and is often unrelated to kink. There are no secret signals or reliable non-verbal cues. Assuming otherwise is a projection.

* D/s identity is shared, not spotted. People must explicitly state their role.  Ethical kink involves consent, clear communication, and mutual understanding, not guessing games or “reading signs.”

* Don’t “fish in Lake Vanilla.” If you’re looking for a kink-based relationship, attend munches, classes, or kink events where people are open to these discussions.  FYI, people generally aren’t interested in being approached and asked about their kink dynamics.

* Be human first.  Lead with respect, friendship, and curiosity, not assumptions or kink-based expectations. Even in kink spaces, compatibility goes far beyond roles; values, chemistry, and communication matter more.

* Mislabeling causes harm.  Making assumptions can lead to disrespect, discomfort, or even harm, especially for women in public spaces. People who claim they can “spot” D/s roles are often wrong or acting on bias or fantasy.

You can’t tell if someone is Dominant or submissive without them telling you. If you’re interested in exploring D/s dynamics, go where kink is welcome, lead with authentic connection, and have direct conversations. Respect comes first. Kink comes only with consent.