I often see the question “How did you find your kinky partner?” Or some version thereof.
I have typed it so many times I have decided to make it a writing so I can just share the link.
To be honest I thought I already had this as a writing but I can’t find it. If someone out there has seen it, let me know. I don’t want to be repetitive.
So… it all started with…
My boy saw me on Fet and watched my activity for a few weeks/months. He also attended munches and such. He wanted to be a part of the community, not just find a partner.
When he decided he thought we would make a good match he reviewed my bio, found the events I was planning on attending and came to a munch I was attending.
We didn’t really talk but he liked the cut of my jib and he made it a point to say “goodbye” to me when he left.
Then after 3 weeks he messaged me and asked if we could talk at the next munch. He reminded me who he was (the guy who sought me out to say “goodbye”).
At the next munch there were 3 guys who had arrange to chat with me at the munch.
The first guy? I offered to show him around the dungeon but he wanted to grab a second plate of food first.
That was an automatic.. no for me. You would rather get seconds than spend one on one time talking to me?!
Thank you, next.
The second guy was cute and I had met him before, a possibility. But @JoeBuXXX made it clear he was there for me. He came up and talked to me. When others approached to talk to me, he took a few steps back and allowed me time and space to talk, but he was right behind me if I needed anything.
He also stood at parade rest, which I thought was the hottest thing.
When I took people on tours of the dungeon he was always within eye sight but not nearby. He gave me space to talk and flirt and do my thing. When I would look over at him I could see he was talking to other men in attendance. I liked that he was wanting to be a part of the community by talking to the guys and I liked that he was not talking to any women. It was clear he was there for me.
Eventually I called him over when I was talking in a group and he came. He stood near me. Never intrusive. Not creepy or over bearing. He was just.. available if I wanted him. And by the end… i definitely wanted him.
We immediately started texting and planning.
I know many people say you have to get to know someone before entering a power dynamic.
That is not what @JoeBuXXX and I did.
I put him under “consideration” but that was a joke. I had nothing to consider. After one week I told him he was mine.
Here is his diary entry from that day…
Owned and dethroned – https://fetlife.com/users/15266465/posts/9501061
From there we had to create our power dynamic. That doesn’t happen all at once.
We went on a date to a restaurant. I sent him a document explaining his responsibilities and how I wanted him to behave at a restaurant. (Stand when I approach and leave the table, I order, he may not talk to wait staff…)
And I had TAT at restaurants.
A month or so later we added driving and shopping. I added to the document another set of expectations.
Then we made a plan to play at the dungeon. I sent him rules and expectations. And he followed those. And so it went. Every time we did something new, new protocols were shared.
Eventually it was full weekends in his home. This is where we started our collaring ritual and chores started to evolve.
Even after a year in, we went on a road trip and when we made a rest stop, he didn’t wait for me, he went to the car.
I didn’t like that, so protocols were created for road trips.
Now, 20 months in, we live together and I have authority over most things.
On his job and children I now give advice that is usually taken but I do not have authority over them. Just advice.
But spending and finding a home and our social calendar and meals and who does what chores.. that is all me.
And the rest is history. ♥️

How did your sub get so lucky?
I get this and similar questions, often.
Let’s see…
1. He has not asked me for a pic of… anything.
2. As a matter of fact, he has not asked me for anything.
3. He does not complain about the infrequency I attend the club, or the infrequency I can see him.
4. In fact, he does not complain about anything, ever.
5. He saw me online and did what it took to meet me. And when he met me, he was respectful and submissive and polite and he made it clear he was there for me. He gave me his attention while allowing me to be me and flirt and talk with everyone else. He did not try and monopolize my time but he did not leave my vicinity in case i required him.
6. He went to munches. He talked to others, including men. He wasn’t mistress shopping, he was looking to be a member of the community.
7. He is obedient without question. One time I accidentally texted him “What time can you meet me in Mentor?” And he did not say… “umm. I am at work.” He did not say “I live an hour and a half from Mentor.” He did not say “is this message for me?” He simply answered “3:30 pm Domina. I apologize I can not get there sooner.”
8. He did not send me a list of all the kinky things he likes. He did not talk kinky at all. He waited for me to ask. And luckily for us, we align.
9. He trusts me. He knows I will ask. He knows I have his best interests at heart. He knows I will not hurt him (in a bad way 😈). He trusts me with his secrets and his safety.
10. I trust him. I trust he will do what he says he will do, even if I am not there to verify.
11. He has a real life he is living. He is respected at his job. He owns a home. He keeps it clean. He never complains about “adulting” because he is an adult, a man. He just handles things.
12. He understands I am a person. He does not require I know all there is to know. He is happy to learn together. When I am unsure, he supports me in the way I ask him to, which then makes me sure.
13. He makes me proud in public. In all ways, behavioral and appearance-wise.
So, when you wonder… why u can’t snag a mistress… these are the reasons that this particular boy, got so lucky with this particular mistress. Specifics will vary from mistress to mistress. But I think many of these are very common.