We all know the qualities so often associated with the stereotype of the female dominant- cold, bitchy, evil, mean, aggressive, bossy, icy, intense, distant, forbidding, etc.

Sure, I might look like a cold bitch when holding someone’s head underwater or hitting them until they cry and not appearing to care, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t.

Just because I’m a domme doesn’t mean that I don’t have feelings – both good and bad, confident and insecure. (::gasp:: I know, feeling insecure is soooo undomly.) We all have our moments.

I’m probably not the only dominant who dislikes hearing “…but you wouldn’t want me to do ______ for you, because you’re a domme.” No, but I might like you to do it because you respect me as a person. Or “… you wouldn’t like ______ because you’re a domme.” Wrong. I might really like _____. And I might not like it (for reasons that have nothing to do with kink).

These are some things that people have assumed I couldn’t be or wouldn’t like, do, need, or think because I’m a dominant:
-cuddles
-hugs
-laughter during a scene
-wearing purple or pink
-wanting aftercare
-being interested in a male top or switch (for non-D/s fun)
-having sexytimes with a male top or switch
-feeling hurt when you say something mean to me (outside of a scene)
-reassurance
-eye contact
-wanting to be held and made to feel safe
-be lonely
-ask for help
-be silly
-have ‘vanilla’ sex
-not have to be the one to make plans or come up with ideas for spending time
-cry
-having someone ask the domme out on a date
-that I care about a sub’s experience
-subs aren’t worthless
-being ‘just friends’ with a sub/bottom
-don’t want love
-not capable of love
-be nice
-pain
-masochistic moments
-wear flats or ::gasp:: sneakers
-give a (typical, non-CBT) blowjob
-be indecisive
-not want to make every single decision
-Be in love with a submissive and prioritize his needs above your own


It felt good to get that off my chest, as I’ve been contemplating writing about this topic for a while.